Attention, all broadcasters, writers, TV talking heads, and just plain idiots:
Let’s talk a bit about language. You see, back in the day, when someone observed opposing teams’ habit of fouling Shaquille O’Neal, that someone dubbed the strategy the “Hack-a-Shaq.” Because, you see, they were hacking at O’Neal to foul him, and his nickname was (and is) Shaq. Notice that the two terms “hack” and “Shaq” rhyme–that’s what makes the coinage clever and funny.
In contrast, “Hack-a-Jordan” is not clever. It is not funny. It does not rhyme. It doesn’t really do anything, except reveal the intellectual incapacity and laziness of anyone who uses the term. In short, it’s stupid. And so are you, if you insist upon using it.
Well duh, then what should we say, they’ll ask. How about just calling the game? Don’t try to be cutesy–just play it straight and do no harm. Or, if you insist on having some special turn of phrase to say, come up with something original. For instance, one could describe the Rockets’ strategy as their “Jordan Judo” ploy. Because they’re judo chopping DeAndre to foul him. Get it? See, you can at least try to come up with something new; I just did, and nobody’s paying me hundreds of thousands of dollars to say something clever on TV.
Jordan Judo. Was that really so hard? Really? Really? Really?
No wonder I’m disgruntled.